CNH Visual Art & Design

The First Day of 2017

Christina HairstonComment

Today is the first day of 2017, 

I know you double checked your calendar to prove me wrong. Yes, its February 1st, but why can't it be the first day of 2017? Let me explain.

Last year was sooo amazing for me, I was flourishing in EVERY aspect of my life and no one could tell me I wasn't doing the thang. Everything was aligning in my 'perfect plan' and I really do mean everything:

I was surrounded by encouraging friends, I had two new job positions, I was making paper y'all, I was battling white supremacy daily, creating new art work and networking, receiving awards and scholarships, I met the man of my dreams and fell in love, I turned 22, my grades were on point, my hair was poppin', skin was glowing, opportunities were endless, and my booty was growing! (That had to rhyme just so you knew how amazing things were).

 Look at me! SO happy, and the day I met my future boyfriend.

Look at me! SO happy, and the day I met my future boyfriend.

THEN on top of all that I got to end the year in the motherland through study abroad... I couldn't believe that I was so blessed.

But as you know, like in every Tyler Perry movie, something has to go wrong.

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When things hit the fan - Ohhh Africa. Specifically Botswana. I won't really go into specifics, but lets just say my 2 week trip was a little less than extraordinary. I had high expectations and was ready to come back a changed person. I was ready to get connected with my African roots and feel a sense of belonging, love, amazement and joy, I was ready to change the world. But none of that happened. I came back to the US feeling tired, hopeless, and more so relieved to be back in a place of comfortability.  And I was SO ready to get back to my boyfriend, when I tell you I was counting down the days to see that man. 

When the fan broke - The day I got back to America my 'perfect' relationship ended. Suddenly the person I thought that I could rely on was gone and it felt like everything fell a part. Our relationship ending was probably the most unexpected thing in my 22 years of life. I was devastated. 

 Every time someone asked me, "Are you okay?"

Every time someone asked me, "Are you okay?"

 

I always was a huge believer in "starting the year off right" usually in a church at watch night service to be real. This year I didn't get to do that, in fact I brought in the new year at News Cafe in Botswana (I recommend this restaurant to anyone by the way). Something just didn't feel right. My year began with hurt, heartache, and so, so many tears. I was convinced that because last year was so amazing that 2017 had to be my off year. You can only have so many "good" years right? 

As I adjusted to being alone and basically facing my thoughts, I thought about this concept of "good" and "bad" years. I can't even count how many posts I saw on social media about how much 2016 was horrible or "2016 sucked but 2017 I'm coming for you." A year... Thats 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days, 8,760 hours, 525600 minutes, and 31,556,952 seconds. We basically throw all that time in a blender and decide if it was a good milkshake or a bad one.

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THAT'S A WHOLE LOT OF TIME.  Honestly, what makes us do that? 

When I bought a new fan - As I talked to all my friends they slowly dragged me out of my depressed state. They encouraged me to think about all the amazing things I've accomplished and reminded me of the woman I am and continue to become. I don't need a boyfriend to feel complete, I don't need awards or accolades, I shouldn't expect a two week time frame to change my life, I do... need a job because I'm graduating this May! But I say all this to say that a time span cannot and will not validate if things will go good or bad in my life, and better yet, I can create my own.

That's why today is the first day of 2017.